Wednesday, November 29, 2006

when "nonsense" makes the most sense...the only sense

a friend came over this evening who wishes to remain nameless. ok well i don't know that for sure, but it always sounds more, puzzling and almost mischevious, like why? why remain unknown? what is there to hide? we had a splendid long chat on the trampoline (i'm tellin ya, that's where everything important goes down, its all discussed), and it was naturally surprising to find how many experiences we can relate to and how much of each others past we understand. i always seem to find the closeness and understanding in people whom i would never dream could comprehend my absurd feelings, its great to just be able to talk when people actually listen and all these truths you hold get through their abnormally un-thick skulls.(i guess i could have said, thin, but that just sounds dumb.) ahhhh...
i've noticed it's really uncomfortable when you are talking about little problems you're going through and since other people understand, it's not stupid or unecessary, the feeling you have, but important and desperate, but then you read up on something about genocide or poverty, suffering and murder. you just end up thinking, my little "suffering" seems so lame, so hideously trivial, i am disgusted with myself, the guilt! the shame!
then i think of small times or incidents i call "life-altering" or "redemptive" and i feel so... just ugh. i mean the places people find faith are with the starving, the homeless, the ill, the dying, and i just feel so ignorant and foolish. almost deprived, like even though i have so much, and feel so spoiled, i feel empty and lacking, disturbed. i want to give everything up, turn it all away, all the little things some call necessities, to just finally be free and open to god. when everything is given up and away, and we have broken down the barricade obstructing our vision and we can see. I LONG TO SEE...! all these thoughts and feelings i am discovering i never knew i had everything makes sense now, just from reading this book, THE IRRESISTIBLE REVOLUTION: LIVING AS AN ORDINARY RADICAL, by shane claiborne. oh my goodness, you all must read this book, i don't care what you are, christian, muslim, jewish, buddhist, anything, this is the way to live. the road less traveled is the road most needed. i want with everything to have nothing, be nothing to be ready for anything, everything. if this is the only way that truly makes everything clear, everything make sense, then why am i so hesitant to begin? it's all about our COMFORT ZONE, blast those! but i think once we depart, take the first step away from THE ZONE, everything will begin, our lives will begin. we're like fledglings (doesn't it seem everything is compared to baby birds these days?) even though in the nest we are safe, warm and fed by our mothers (thanks mom, by the way) once we just hope out and open up our wings, we are ready to soar and the first real adventure of our life begins. and even though there will be other, bigger birds to put us down, and we'll have to search and work for our food and shelter, it is the way. and compared to all the other mixed up paths, well, this actually makes sense.

Monday, November 27, 2006

faith with a side order of trampoline, what kind of sauce would you like?

hey yodels, thank you for your tremendous comments (cough jordan cough), i've really appreciated it, and the fact that most of you are actually reading the blog, it's just so great. *tear, tear* i just feel so loved *gasp, sob*. sniffles. um so anyways, i just feel like posting again, just doing another one of those midday things...
i could talk about yesterday, but since its today i should talk about today, but other stuff happened last night, and so i think i should post about that but if i don't post today about today, then will i have to post tomorrow about today, which at that time would be a yesterday, but then when will i post about tomorrow, two tomorrows from now? then i'll be in the same position i'm in now. geez confusion. well actually its not that perplexedizing, i just used too many todays tomorrows and yesterdays. nevermind...
ok so what am i talking about now? i'll start from the beginning and work up to now, the beginning which happens to be last night, and the now which happens to be, well about 3ish, kinda. hmm ok maybe i won't give you every single solitary detail because a) i've already written a bunch of extra junk and b) that would just be annoying.
so now to start. well after i left you last i was preparing to finally work on my homework and go to church. 2 CHURCHGOINGS IN ONE STINKING DAY! wowza. so ya. i went to the second church, which happened to be christian assembly/fusion thingamajig, and it was just incredibly amazing, everyone was really great and i felt really welcomed and the worship time was really reviving, i swear tears came to my eyes at least 3 times and i just felt so alive and ready to do anything for my god and my people! part of my youth group went as sort of scout like things to find and bring ways of livliness to my current church, first pres altadena. it was spectacular and ahhh just really life giving, and lately i've really needed that open connection to my god. i think a lot of people mistake what it takes to be a church, i mean 'church' doesn't have to be a place with hard pews, and empty prayers, church can be a group of individuals searching for truths and faiths to help open the eyes of the world, feed the homeless, and all that other good stuff. its a place for love and praise, a place for redemption and hope, and you know what? it doesn't even need to be a building or a chapel, heck you can find church in the local cafe your family goes to every thursday night with friends, it can be the people surrounding your locker, it can be the can food drive, anywhere with a faith, a hope, a soul and a truth. heck yes!
so, anyways after we got back from the splendiferous church, i walk in my front door and see a family surrounding my table. another, extra family. hmm... ok well this wasn't unexpected, but y'know, i must admit, it's a bit freaky walking in your front door and seeing a bunch of unknown eyes staring at you. i mean, c'mon. so ya i was nervous and hungry, and those aren't a good mix, especially when people are watching you eat, i felt a bit alien in my own home, which is, AWKWARD. but after dinner we all went on the TRAMPOLINE!!!!!!!!!!!!! and for any of you that have been on that great hunk of bounciness, you should know that it has special powers. powers of taking uncomfortablity between people away, powers of laughter induction, powers of jerking your tears out, powers of finding the philosopher inside you, and of power to a great, huge bounce. turns out those people are really friendly, talkative, humans. who woulda thunk it? some of them have mad conversation engaging skills, and they're funny too. i had a really great time, really great. talk about extreme hyperactivity on my part. well it was 11:30 when i was put in bed, and as some of you know, that time is all it takes...
hmm... well i would write about today, but a) i was so tired at school i didn't do much complex thinking, and b) my fingers are getting sore and some of you immensly obnoxious humans (hahaha) are expecting emails on other current circumstancess and that might take a while. geez, nosy, pestering, beasts. well. peace+whales=music

Sunday, November 26, 2006

you are what you mold yourself to be... or something like that

beautiful comments me...or is it. no i am not being narsisistic (ok that might be too many is' and i'm sorry, but you do get the point don't you?) that really was the hypocritical beast who commented's name, bah! do any of you humans know pavia's email address? i forgot it. maybe i'll just ask her tomorrow, that'd be smart.
uh so ya i think it would be a good idea to post at the end of the day, don't you? y'know as review... but i feel like writing now and it's my blog so MWAHAHAHAHA! anyways, i just got back from youth group and it was amazing because as i was eating my CHILI CHEESE BURGER, i didn't spill on myself once! like totally omg! me! me of all people! no spillages! nothing! yipee! so anyways we did the youth group thing [which is one of the greatest church related things ever in life, really any of you, well besides noah because he's already in it, can come! we feed the homeless, go to weddings (ok well thats rare, i must admit, we don't tend to get married much between the youth, haha) so anyways we're all like one big mostly-happy family: we jump on eachother, our hideous pink and brown sectional, and my trampoline, yahoo!!!] ok well i must state that was an immensly long bracket thing, but i like brackets! THEY TOTALLY ROCK MY FACE OFF! lalalalalala! hmm... ok so anyways. i started thinking at the youth group thing, and this is what i thought: things are what you make them to be, and you are what you mold yourself to be. and i was just thinking about it quite a bit b/c one human from the youth group said two things that i remember, those of which are 'california is boring' and 'this swing is fun'. and i was thinking about it so much i wrote it in sharpie on my hand! geez. so it made me feel as if i had great amounts of freedom yet a major responsibility. like i can be anything, do anything, love anything, i can be who i am despite everything, but along with that comes a great power to how to live and i need to control that. like i can see life, love, anything, anyone, myself, in a certain way, but i must keep my power under control to not lose my well being, or ruin others. its remarkable, i think.
folks are coming over soon, and i'm really excited, because I LOVE PEOPLE! but another side to that fact is i've had to clean my room. i'm not sure if its a good thing or a bad thing, this room tidying business. i feel really good doing it, like as i'm throwing all this old paper in the recycling, i'm throwing off old work, and words, and deeds and feelings and i can start afresh. its nice to breathe again, without all this crap in my personal space. oh and guess what else i found out! I HAVE A FLOOR!!! shocker... well my dears i must return to my room cleaning and flex my mad tidying skills, but alas, i may yet return to brief you on my upcoming happenings, farewell sweet masters, sweet maidens!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

let us begin, shall we?

heloo humans! i doubt many of you will actually read this and care but y'know, its a saturday and soccer is stalled and i'm immensely bored, so yeah... i know the background is what you low intellegence life forms call 'pink' but i like to think of it more as a deep magenta-mauve-rose-willyoubemyvalentine sort of shade. mmyes, divine! that is one hottie color! so yeah... and i bet y'all are wondering why i got some lame-o bloggy thing instead of a idolized MYSPACE, and i will tell you with complete and utter confidence. i for one, am not 14, and i don't feel like lying and cheating and being malicious little fools like my school buddios-- minus pavia. hahaha. and secondly,, hmm. well i guess because i didn't feel like it, that's reason enough for me, so yeah! oh and MYSPACE IS WAY OVERRATED! BOO! sorry myspace. oh and all about the name-- well i would have done something else to do with lemon pandas but i felt bad because, well what about seth? can't just be ditching him, right? i'm not the only one invoved with the mystical beings so, i'm only half, only partial...
so hmm... its funky how right when i create this blog thing, i have absolutely no idea what to talk about. LAME! LAME! LAME! whaddayu folks talk about? maybe i'll think a bit and be back later, i'm still trying to figure all this junk out, toughy toughy.
i'm off to go trampolining now folks, and maybe i'll get some ideas there, after all, that is the place to go for great imaginings, see ya, my loves.
always yours,