this life in my pocket: issue 1: staring at the scarring

sigh, hello peoples who are wondering, and those of you who are reading this just because i forced you...
ok, i like started this new section, and i was all excited as you may have seen... but things are more painful than i thought: more tears, more searching, more deception, more blindness... everything seems to be fading, its colorless, lifeless. no i can't say lifeless, life includes pain, and that is what i am feeling so its still here, but whats left of it... is grey. there seems to be no warmth i the sun, no spark in these eyes, no color in this masquerade. everything seems... empty, hollow. laughs, the truth.. why can't i see it, its eluding me, or is it just my grasp that is slipping, shaking? am i avoiding it? my eyes are veiled, veiled and blinded, blinded by the clearly visible, the life shoved up in my face... the life of.. deception. blinded by deserted promises, forgotten truths. too many uncontrolable thoughts, deeds, they're coming upon me again, and i fear i again will be the only one to face it. i am alone. but maybe.. maybe there is someone here for me, i just can't see past these blasted scars. i have a song that fits... beautifully!

here are the lyrics (or some of them at least...)

hole in my pocket by sam phillips

My life fell through a hole in my pocket
I lost my solitude, I lost my balance,
I lost my reverence and my voice
Pieces of soul building up a mountain
moving seeds of doubt
My life fell through a hole in my pocket
I can't see anything, only this moment
I hear my heart breaking into faith
Pieces of soul building up a mountain
moving seeds of doubt
My life fell through a hole in my pocket...