Thursday, February 15, 2007

this life in my pocket: issue 2: who really cares?


Whenever I try new things, there is always a little skepticism, a little fear, a little uneasiness, but there also tends to be a great exhilarating eagerness that is overshadowed by the doubt. I mean, there is always a consideration of how things will all turn out by what we do (even if it is rushed away and not thoroughly thought over), what these simple words might mean to others, or what that one move will impress upon them. As humans, its what we do: plan ahead in our lives, maybe see narrowly into our futures a bit, see how things may or may not turn out, and so forth. Of course that is only a half sided view with only our experiences, our opinions, our knowledge to back it up, so the reactions of the other person can be totally mind boggling because we are ignorant of them unless we have overwhelming amounts of understanding and empathy that could counter it. Naturally in these situations, there are two possibilities ready to set off and become realities, two whole whirlwinds already wound up, just waiting to be set in motion by what we do and how the people we are interacting with react to those actions. Then of course, we either make mistakes, thus refusal and regret, or what we say and do to other people is appreciated and accepted.
I see two ways people can react with a situation, they either “don’t care” or just don’t know. I have noticed that people who “don’t care,” have three options in the way that they “don’t care.” These could be the effects society has on people, the feeling of too much caring, or just genuine neutrality.
Society itself makes us “care” about stuff we really don’t want or need to care about, but it also blinds us from noticing what it is doing to us. Then of course we must ask, what would we care about if no one was there to “care about” what we “care” about? Or if it didn’t hit us at all and everyone just moved in their own way, then it would be beautiful, I think, but if no one cared at all who would care if it was stunning or horrid? So we always think about what other people think about, take heed to their feelings, not empathetically, but out of the need for inclusion (see note on that later).
Next comes “caring too much to care”, I have noticed this in so many people who “don’t care” so, so much. We are actually the ones that care the most, the love the hardest, the most selflessly, but it hurts, so awfully, we cannot stand the pain so we cut ourselves off, rebel against caring, basically. And in our rebellion we refuse to let anything in that will hurt us again, hurt us through shame and loss, lost love, lost truths, lost peace, so we shrug it off, bottle ourselves up again, close the door on this agony.
And lastly, there are those of us who officially, truly, do not care, but this is so rare and its usually induced by ignorance, that we “don’t know, don’t care” and sometimes live in that attitude, and can believe that if we are freed from the truth we are freed from giving up any part of ourselves.
All anyone ever wants is to be included, no one truly wants to be left out, never wants to be excluded, unless they want to be above everyone else, and take power, then they either leave that all behind or still want to be accepted by the people and to guide them. Sure, people will want to stand out, but standing out doesn’t always mean being left out. But then we must ask, what is out? What are we being left out of? And then we must decide, individually, what we truly care about, and that can be one of the hardest decisions of our lives, it opens up our limits and our extents for ourselves and others, it shows how independent or co-dependent we are, and what in all of this we actually care about, feel for, give up for. What will we give up to follow them? What will we give up to find our own path? What do we care?

9 comments:

me...or is it? said...

That was great...I wish everyone in the world would read your blog.

MACKAKELENZIO said...

i wish everyone would read your blog... OH YEAH! u gotta make one first, punk! i would read it, we would ALL read it!!! so off with ya! make your blog...

Colfaxdruggie said...

Kenzie....ur insane...

MACKAKELENZIO said...

why brian. why?!!? why i ask you?! i know, i know i am, what can i say? but look.. everyone always tells me i am but no one, i mean NO ONE ever tells me why.. punks..!

Colfaxdruggie said...

lmao,ur insane becuase u commented on ur own blog, TWICE! and with two differnet names, like like sooo wanna be schitsofranic, lmao

MACKAKELENZIO said...

well now its gonna be 3 times! whatcha gonna say to that, psssssh, no but really. how abouyt u tell me on aim, can't have the whole world knowing... ehe as if they already don't. punks..

MACKAKELENZIO said...

ok, i know this is a lil late, and i'm still commenting on my own blog, but i was listening to this song called RADIO FLY and it was like, reminding me of just being past the point of caring... like u just can't stand anything, just can't deal, so here they are...

radio fly by: joel plaskett

I don't think I can take it any longer
This music sucks
This cup of coffee if they make it any stronger
Might wake somebody up
It's like a game
When you're in it you can't win it
So why even try
The radio, if it's on another minute
Better learn to fly

Bye bye, so long
Daytime turns to nighttime and I'm gone
Bye bye, so long
AM turns to FM and I'm gone

Under the radar we could fly
We could fly now
All of our lives we could fly
We could try it now
And never be respected
It's like a drug
When you hit it
You can't quit it
And all the pain it brings
The radio if it's on another minute
Better grow some wings and fly

MACKAKELENZIO said...

omg that is so annoying, i know no one reads any of these anymore, but if you somehow are, isn't it bugging you how often i said "punks"..!?! oh goodness.

Anonymous said...

Well written article.